How The Chang Stole Dean-mas
Liked holidays a lot…
But the Chang,
Who lived in the vents of Greendale,
The Chang hated holidays! The whole holiday season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn’t screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that Annie’s Boobs kept him up all night.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
But, whatever the reason,
His heart or Annie’s Boobs,
He sat there in his vents, hating the Humans.
“Non-denominational Mister Winter is on his way to the student lounge!” he snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is December 9th! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his Chang fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop the holidays from coming!”
Tomorrow, he knew…
That the students, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they’d feast! And they’d feast!
And they’d FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would feast on winter-doodles, and cafeteria food (bland),
Which was something the Chang just couldn’t stand!
They’d do something
He liked least of all!
Every student in the study group, the tall and the small,
Filling in for the glee club, with holiday bells ringing.
They’d stand hand-in-hand. And the study group would start singing!
They’d sing! And they’d sing!
And they’d SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Chang thought of this Study-Group-Sing,
The more the Chang thought, ‘I must stop this whole thing!”
“Why, for three years I’ve put up with it now!
“I MUST stop the holidays from coming!
Then he got an idea!
A Chang-ful idea!
THE CHANG GOT A WONDERFUL, CHANG-FUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” The Chang laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick non-denominational Mister Winter hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Changy trick! I love being mean!”
“With this coat and this hat, I look just like the Dean!”
He loaded some bags
And dropped down from the vents,
Landing on some blankets and pillows
From Troy and Abed’s pillow fort tents.
All the hallways were dark. Artificial snow was scattered on the floor.
Then Chang came to the locked cafeteria kitchen door.
“This is stop number one,” the old Chang-y Claus hissed
And he broke into the room, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the students’ feast!
He took the winter-doodles! He took the Subway roast beef!
Then he stuffed all the food up into the vents with glee.
“And NOW!” grinned the Chang, “I will go BURN the tree!”
And the Chang grabbed the tree, and lit up a match
When he heard a small sound like a door being unlatched.
He turned around fast, and he saw a study group member!
Britta the lesbian, and he blew out the ember.
She stared at the Chang and said,
“Chang, why, “Why are you taking our holiday tree? WHY?”
But, you know, that old Chang was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“Why, my sweet little tot,” the fake Mister Winter lied,
“There’s a light on this tree that won’t light on one side.
“So I’m burning this tree, my dear.
“I’ll buy a new one later. Then I’ll bring it back here.”
“Then my fib fooled the child,” Chang said.
(“No, it didn’t!”) Then he patted her head
And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.
And when Britta started dialing 9-1-1, first
He stripped off his clothes and greased up. Then he slipped into the vents, screaming
“Britta’s the worst!”
Good video editing, and too many awesome lyrics to list…
Love “Jeff is a leader…and an asshole.”
[Britta wants to “chang” the world.]